“Self-care is never a selfish act—it is simply good stewardship of the only gift I have, the gift I was put on earth to offer to others.”
During our second digital circle – we started the talk through a reflection on something that was shared at Sunday’s circle concerning selfishness and self-care. I shared some information I had found in an article talking about this very subject – it reflected on how :
“There is a difference between self-absorbed, narcissistic behavior and sound internal self-care. Self-care is about taking good care of our own feelings so we don’t project them onto others, act badly, or cause problems in relationships. Being in touch with our own feelings and embracing them is the healthiest thing we can do.”..
“If you grew up in an environment where your emotional needs were not met, or you were primarily taking care of your parents instead of the other way around, you have likely learned to be co-dependent and to take care of others to the exclusion of taking care of yourself. It is surprising, for example, how many adult children of narcissistic parents are working in the healthcare fields. Thank goodness, we need you, but learning self-care may be new to you and it is a process of re-parenting yourself.”
The article was interesting because it also reflected on re-parenting ourselves – a concept I had actually never really heard about outside of “my own invention” – ha! So there is that, and as we know there isn´t anything new under the sun after all 😉
We then did our thanks giving:
I thank the women before me
I thank the women around me
In the spirit of Ubuntu:
I am because we all are
My growth is our growth
My pain is our pain
My healing and joy
Is our healing and joy
And started the circle with sharing some of what came up for us during the worksheet from Soul Class (day.2 worksheet) (2).
For some, what came up during their reflection work was how they didn´t feel that they were where they wanted their life to be – others felt that they were in transition, they knew where they had been and where they wanted to go but were still figuring out how to get there. Some shared how they were trying to find the balance between being a “doing person into a being person”. Here we reflected on how in our current society, a doing person is what we are encouraged to be – being busy is constantly glorified and encouraged – our worth and value are sometimes linked to how busy we are – which in return makes us feel important. It is easy to not know how to just be in a world that teaches us that our worth is linked to what we produce and how much. This can be hard to work against or unlearn since our culture does not see the addiction to busyness as a bad thing, especially not a capitalistic one.
However, again, when we take time (“take”, because it would always be available to us) and sit with ourselves – and sit with nature, we are able to reflect on the importance of just being. Doing is often a distraction from being; it can be a coping mechanism that we have developed to help us avoid certain issues or help us validate ourself-worth – a tricky one however since it often means that our self-acceptance and love is based in things outside of ourselves.
We then talked about identity as a whole and how our identity sometimes is embedded in our social status or the labels we use to attach to who we are- any way to avoid just being – the labels we seek refuge in – the labels that help us hide from ourselves from others.
When we reflected on the relationships we have with ourselves and current life. Some felt that their life was filled with overthinking, being stuck in their head and others felt that they felt that they were holding onto coping mechanisms rooted in survival that they needed growing but which were harming them now as they no longer needed them – yet they didn´t know how to let go. I shared how the survival mindset was never a bad thing on its own, but it was when we would become incapable of letting go of it, to make space for thriving and how that starts harming us. Some shared how they were tired of having an on and off relationship with their self-care practices. Others shared how they felt like their days were just fleeting and floating away without feeling like they had accomplished anything.
Some other thoughts that were reflected on were based on the scarcity mindset and fear came up quite a lot – how decisions were often rooted in fear and lack of self-trust – or self-believe that they were capable of achieving the things they set out to achieve. Fear also showed up when it came to the future, the unknown – even though that ought to be normal since we know, no one actually knows what the future holds. Yet, if we are present, we can at least work on our relationship with ourselves enough to trust that we will be alright regardless of what might show up.
In some Eastern cultures, however, the adaptation of humans to time is seen as a viable alternative. In these cultures, time is viewed neither as linear nor event-relationship related, but as cyclic. Each day the sun rises and sets, the seasons follow one another, the heavenly bodies revolve around us, people grow old and die, but their children reconstitute the process. We know this cycle has gone on for 100,000 years and more. Cyclical time is not a scarce commodity. There seems always to be an unlimited supply of it just around the next bend. As they say in the East, when God made time, He made plenty of it”.
We also talked about the Eurocentric approach to time which is often linear compared to the cyclical approach to time. That the past and present and future all are present here with us and that includes our ancestors, that we do not live single-lives or struggles and that some struggles we face aren´t even our own, but those passed down through DNA and spiritually to us from our ancestors– We also reflected on how healing ourselves in the present also aids in the healing of our past and the injustices our ancestors faced – that it, in addition, helps create fertile soil for future generations –
Concerning the subject of the connection of the past and present, we can reflect on the way we build families today- how we often don´t get access to the stories of our grandparents – unlike more traditional ways, where multiple generations got to live under the same roof and pass knowledge amongst each other – pass healing and wisdom amongst each other, passing understanding of self and others amongst one another.
All in all, it was a long and holistic talk that touched upon many subjects that- This circle and exercise were a part of the self-evaluation phase, the understanding of where we currently are so that we can start moving towards a more holistic approach to our life that allows abundance and thriving.
For further information on the subject of passed down trauma please especially check out this one from Dr.Joy De Gruy
For more information, if you are interested – please check out the links below 🙂
- Article – Self-Care Selfish?
- Article – Do Your Grandmother´s Experiences really make it into your genes
- Article – Healing and Re-parenting the Wounded Child Within
- Article – In your grandmother´s womb: The egg that made you
For tomorrow we will reflect on the Decolonization of Healing 🙂
I wish you all well and that you are blooming wherever you are! See you soon!