“Either you must control your thoughts or the outside forces will control them and be warned that the outside forces usually consist of fears, worries and doubts.”
― Maddy Malhotra, 

Hey sis, how are you this soul Sunday? Negative/destructive self-talk can be such a headache hey? If you didn´t get a chance to catch my last video on May in bloom on the same subject don´t worry about it – we can talk about it here instead ;).  So basically, your mind is a garden- the fruits of your life only taste as good as the thinking that plants them. Stay with me 🙂

What is negative self talk

Negative self-talk is any mental dialogues that have a negative effect on your self-esteem, confidence and the positive changes you are trying to make in your life. Negative self-talk is rooted in fear, fear that is sometimes trying to protect you from the growing pains of evolving as a person. It is usually triggered when we find ourselves trying to evolve in some aspect of our lives or when we find ourselves in new territory. For me, it is often an indicator that I am nearing new heights and with new heights, you get to fight new demons or old ones that have been keeping you where you no longer can be.

There is also other ways in which negative self-talk comes to us disguised – as for example “good advice”“you can´t do that, better to stay realistic” – translation: This is a scary new thing, you might fail, you might get hurt, yes you might have outgrown what you already have but at least you have it, at least you know its weight. 

It can also be passed down through the way we were brought up as children, the self-talk our parents had in their own heads, passed down as family heirlooms. Children that are raised with negative or destructive focused parents also usually take on similar thinking patterns. As you grow, however – as you live more mindfully, you become more aware of what is working for you and what is holding you back. You choose to take on more constructive ways of thinking.

Turning envy into inspiration:

In the video, I also talked about another destructive mindset triggered by a scarcity mindset: Envy and jealousy. With an abundant mindset, we realize that we have all we need to manifest and achieve the dreams and wishes we too want for our lives. There is more than enough goodness to go around, but we have to show up for it in a variety of ways. Most of all, we have to make sure that our mind isn´t convincing us that just because someone else has something, that you can now not have it because it is gone. Obviously, if it’s someone´s partner, that could be a bit of a challenge sis (then again with the way relationships are evolving today, I wouldn´t be the one to tell you it is totally impossible #createyourownlove.) The share -economy is real out there!

Envy for me has slowly turned into something I use as inspiration – it wasn´t always like this though. I could get so envious I would just dig myself into a dark hole of desperation and woe-is-me poison. That was until I realized that being envious, obviously, wasn´t helping me get any closer to where I wanted to be. Just buried me into a dark hole of self-pity and depressing self-talk.

Yet envy can become such a motivating factor: You see what you like, you feel envious and you look closer, ask yourself, “what about this do I like and why” – if you like the answer, if it is truly true to your own path and true to your own desires, you get to work. You go work it into your plan and every time you feel envious about that same thing, it gives you more motivation to keep working towards it. You thank the thing or person you are envious of, for coming into your life and showing you something that you too are excited to achieve and work towards ;).  Life is so much sweeter when we turn manure into fertilizer – shitty moments into precious poop for your own growth and that of others ;).

You can also see it as a blessing if you are envious of people who are in your environment. As I explained more in my video – this is often a sign that you are surrounded by thriving plants and therefore in healthy soil for your own growth environmental-wise. It is much more motivating and inspiring than being surrounded by whithering and dying plants.

Insecurities as check-in points

Other negative talk focused on insecurities can also be used as reminders to check-in with yourself. Are you taking good care of yourself? Are you doing all you can to be good to you? Do you have a self-care and self-love routine? Even if it starting your day with a quick meditation to set your intention for the day or repeating affirmations to comfort the negative self-talk talking from fear (rooted in things you know to be true). Are you sleeping enough? Are you feeding your body well, mentally, spiritually and even content wise? Are you ingesting inspiration, growth, and empowerment or disempowerment and destructive content?

Especially in our digital times – there is so much beautiful and healing content out there but there is also just as much destructive content and it is our job to make sure that consume intentionally – especially when you are highly sensitive and might also find yourself easily influenced by outer forces.

 

All is all, negative self-talk is often times less the problem and more a symptom of deeper issues that need our attention. Having a constructive and intentional mindset is something that we have to put effort into, even daily, especially if we didn´t grow up in an environment where that was something that came to us naturally. Negative self-talk and its destructive ways can easily become a deeply ingrained part of our character but it is never permanent, not if we don´t wish it to be :).

I hope that whatever thoughts that make their way into your mind that you choose to water the ones that build you, that nurture you even if they are shitty. Remember, as the saying goes – if there is no enemy within, who and what shall you fear? Or at least something in that line. So dear sis, may life find you blooming wherever your mind wonders and may you find the wisdom and courage to know how to turn manure into good organic fertilizer.

With love, light, and courage