“Be with the flow, take the flow with you, align and make a rhythm out of it”
Hey sis, here we are in May, I have been away from here. I decided, along with everything else I put on break or decided to release, to also take a break from writing here. It felt like the right thing to do- like what was true to me at that/this moment. This urge also came at a great time as I was beginning to learn more about slow-blogging – something that integrates wonderfully into the kind of pace I that actually makes the most sense to me and the kind of slow-bull personality I have ;).
I would love to share here when I am most inspired, when I have something to say, not just because it is Sunday – However, I managed last year to stick to a strict Sunday regular posting and for that I thank past May (well done you!) – but for now, I feel like I want it to take on a more fluid rhythm, see how that feels/works for a little while. As we always say here, “try and try and try and see what works when it works and for how long it works.”
Today I wanted to share some thoughts on my good friend authenticity. Authenticity comes to us in layers pulled away, layers dusted off and re-imagined or positioned. It comes to us in moments of vulnerability when we dare to sit and listen and question and weep and release and reclaim and release and reject – sitting there wondering, pondering “Who am I and what do I want to be, to say and how?”. Such a big question. They say that we will never find the right answers if we never learn to ask the right questions. Perhaps, “who am I becoming?” is a little lighter? Perhaps “Where am I going right now?” is a little kinder. Does it have to be SO GRAND? So all-encompassing? I think we picked up this habit during our formative years and looking up at adults asking us what we wanted to be when we grew up before we had even known about the journey of growing up itself, before we had even seen enough worlds, enough perspectives, enough truths, uncovered enough lies, lived enough in our bodies to know who we ourselves even were? What do you want to be? What about; I would like to be okay with being me and a peaceful and content one at that. Could that be a good enough answer, wouldn´t that have been enough?
If you keep treating a cactus like a lily you will see it dull down and die. If you keep treating a lily like a cactus, you will see it wither away. If you take time to understand them both, treat them according to their needs and their characters, you will see them thrive and grow abundantly. I see myself as a plant, I have spent a good portion of my self-education trying to understand what kind of plant I am and what I need to thrive, what withers or dulls me, what keeps me lush and abundant. I want to live the life of a garden in nurturing soil, in optimal climate, in loving and tender hands. I want to bloom and renew in a ritualistic cycle – I want to bear fruit in so much abundance, I feed everyone around me and some. And to do all of that, I need to ask ” Who am I, what do I need, what do I crave, where am I and why, what fruit am I burning to bear?”
At almost 30, I know a lot more about what does not answer those questions – what has not borne fruit, what depletes this soil with no prospect of renourishment. I have seen what lights me up – what inspires me and what builds me, what encourages me to grow more and more intentionally and abundant.
As an African woman, raised in the diaspora, I know what I can´t afford to tiptoe around – what I can´t afford to not see. I have had to hold my eyes open when it felt like the sandstorm of reality was made of tiny shiny glasses – I have had to keep my ears open when it felt like the screams of reality were a concert speaker glued to my ears. And (not but) between all of those things, I have also seen the sight of heavens in human forms, of fellow, lost wanderers shaping their path through the storm, making up directions when there was no one to ask. Shaping homes in foreign languages, identities, and powers.
For many of us, we no longer know what kind of plant we are, where we thrive the most, we don´t know of any other way of existence but depletion, but barely surviving masked as living. We do not know what is eating away at our once fertile soil – sometimes they call it aging but I have come to see it as the price we pay when we are trying to grow organic things in synthetic spaces.
How can you be you when you are turned into a synthetic product made for fast and productive consumption? So, we keep asking, we keep learning and unlearning, we keep nurturing and speaking truths and finding truths and being truths. Layer by layer, answer by answer, we forge our way home to a more non-product like existence, a more organic form of life, where to thrive isn´t a privilege but every living thing´s right and to know that when we are not thriving something must change.
So, sis, I ask again, who am I and where am I going? Today´s answer might not be the same as yesterday’s because I know a little more than yesterday. Today´s answer might not be same as tomorrow’s because there are still many layers to explore but as long as I keep asking and keep answering as honest as I can, I know that will be enough for me to thrive, in alignment and kindly wherever I am.
In my holistic and intersectional sessions, these are exactly the kinds of explorations I would love to help guide you in if you are ever in doubt and just need an extra eye on your personal garden of life – I want us all to flourish, living the lush life that our ancestors wished for us. I also truly believe that life only starts getting better when we understand ourselves better and when we first find peace in being ourselves and living in our truths.
So, for that sis, I hope that life finds you blooming in alignment and with intention and unapologetically, wherever you are.
with love,light and courage,